It has been a while.

I would like to start this long due post with great news that Alexander the new Macbook and Martin the new iTouch are here!! Yes, it was a very unexpected affair. I was awaken this morning to the doorbell going off nonstop and my dear mom yelling, “Your laptop has arrived! WAKE UP!!”

So, this whole week has been insane. There was a bit of fasting (my family likes to pre-fast. It’s like stepping under the shower before diving into the pool, you know?) and I FINALLY got to donate blood after about a year, I think. It was fab. I was crushed when they said my veins were to small (I prefer the term dainty) to do an apheresis donation, but I’ll take what I can get.

I need to get use to this new keyboard configuration.

My room’s a huge mess of cardboard boxes. It’s 1am and I just got home. Earlier, in a fit of excitement and joy, I pulled out Alex and Martin and left the boxes here. :D I’m so happy they’re here. They even smell of airplanes.

Oh! I should share with you the fun that was Friday and today.

Friday
I managed to catch up with the elusive lawyer-to-be best friend, who was happily sitting by a pond waiting for my arrival. We had dinner, spoke of the times when we were sure we were being stalked by supernatural beings (I am scarred for life) and then I made a new friend named Mike. After dinner (no green curry, unfortch but there was rice in a pineapple), the three of us headed off to the SMU campus (which is actually a mall in disguise) and watched a play.

It was boring.

It would have been a more exciting evening if Sarah had taken me up on that offer – $50 if she did a strip tease in front of the audience. Or if Michael had burned down the curtains like I suggested. But these two law-abiding no-breaking-of-rules people were too good so I had to self-entertain. There was a ninja in the play though so that was awesome.

Today
A couple days ago a very, very, very good friend of mine from the ol’ days at Crescent called me and invited me over to her place today, but the catch was that she couldn’t tell me what was going on. This was when my imagine went full-throttle and I starting thinking off all the possibilities. Was she now a pimp and looking for call girls to recruit? Was it a surprise drug bust set up? Was she getting married? Was she leaving the country? Gosh darn all these possibilities.

She called me this morning and told me not to speculate or get excited. She knows me well.

So I headed over and it was some matured meeting but I just had a ball of a time catching up with her and another one of our classmates and like meeting all those people and seeing people I have not seen in 3 years. Ah, it was so good.

Anyway, I’ve missed her like ALOT so like it or not, I’m going to crash her place next week and do dinner there.

Okay, I’m having a bit of an issue with Martin and my iTunes. I’ll fix it in the morning. The past few days have worn me out.

Oh, Baybeats, how I wish you took place at my void deck instead of the Esplanade.

OH OH OH! Lunar Node has fianlly recorded that song I was raving about, Times Escape. I have no idea why I love that song they way I do but I do and besides, it’s been getting great comments on their page so you should seriously check it out. The boys are also recording an EP (or planning too, I’m never sure) so that’s very exciting.

See, if we can’t go to Baybeats, we can at least relish in local music online.

And while on the topic of music, please also check out the Fall Out Boy/Fueled By Ramen/Decaydance mixtape number 60. It’s some serious shizz. Clinton Sparks, you’re sick, my friend. Truly fantastic to dance to.

You know the ribbon thing that gymnasts sometimes wave about during their routine? Reminds me of a tape worm much.

I was supposed to go give blood today. I woke up feeling like crap but I wanted to get it over and done with. So I woke up early (1pm) and got ready but then it rained. Really hard. So I thought, fine, I’ll go Monday. But it’s closed on Mondays. Why I don’t know. They’re open tomorrow, I might go tomorrow. Or maybe I’ll go Tuesday.

I don’t even know if plans for the play are solid. Ugh, I hate not knowing stuff like this. I hate not having anything to do.

Alexander and Martin are on a plane on the way down. Or just Alexander, really because he needed to be repacked. I can’t wait for them to get here. It’d be so awesome. Life will be picture perfect once again. Bob (or Robert Shenanigans) is just sitting on my bedroom floor looking sad and forlorn.

Watched Juno twice in a row and it was still good the thrid time round. I would world Half Nelson tonight but I’m tired. I loaded it last night but I was too tired. Too tired for heavy drama. I’ll load a chick flick and maybe go from there.

HAVE SEASON 2 OF THE CLASS PLEASE!

Booksie has a new poem I wrote last night (or two nights ago I can’t remember) so if you’re feeling up for it, read it. It’s sad, though I promise no one dies in this one.

Bye la bye. I feel like going for a gig.

“I need to see him,” she whispered, her voice muffled. She had her face buried in her knees, her face looking out into the empty road.

It was a cool night, and there was no one out. At three in the morning, she expected no one up. She knew the rest of the world was asleep and that gave her comfort. Lately, being around people made her uncomfortable. Just being around them exhausted her.

There was a sigh beside her as her companion moved slightly in her seat. Both girls were seated at a bus stop, dressed in sweaters and sneakers to fight off the cold.

A car drove past them on the road. Its mirrors were fogged up so they couldn’t see inside. It was a four-door sedan, a run of the mill car. They could hardly make out the bumper sticker but she thought she saw the words ‘God Loves You’. The car’s headlights cast a sad yellow light against the curbs, then it turned the corner and the street was still again. Nothing moved except the leaves. They rustled slowly, sounding as though they were breathing as they slept.

She lifted her head, unfolded her knees and slumped to the ground. It was cooler down there, and the world looked different. She sits at this very bus stop every morning, waiting for the bus that will take her to school. Every day she sits at this stop, staring at the building opposite. She’d watch as the stores there – the fruit shop and the drug store – buzzed. She’d watch as people stood outside the fruit shop, picking apples and lemons from the bin and dropping them into their plastic bags. She’d watch how people went into the drug store, only to emerge minutes later clutching their paper bags close and looking at everyone with shifty eyes.

But at three in the morning, everything looked different. The bins were empty of fruit and all that was left of the drug store was the neon sign outside of it. It was starting to flicker and even from here, she could see the spots of flies flying about the commercial glow of the sign.

It was cloudy and she couldn’t see the sky. She’d hope that under the darkness, she’d be able to see stars – a rarity for the urban life. But not tonight. No stars, nothing. The sky was as bleak as she was. At least she wasn’t alone.

She turned and saw her friend’s legs, swinging as she sat on the seat. She was wearing the same jeans as she did yesterday in school. Her sneakers were torn at the edges and smudged with ink stains and mud. Her laces were frayed and darkened by grime and dirt. The rubber soles were worn out and the logo at the back has obviously been gone for some time; the spot it once was was now smooth and shiny.

She looked up and caught her friend’s gaze. She looked tired, fatigued. Neither of them had gotten much sleep lately and dark shadows were appearing under her eyes. Her hair hadn’t been combed in days and her eye liner had smudged hours ago. There was a blemish on the edge of her chin and wisps of hair fluttering about her eyes and ears. Her friend looked exhausted. She realised she must look just as bad, or possibly worse. But it didn’t matter.

She stretched out her legs in front of her and cross her arms, rubbing her shoulders to keep warm.

“I need to see him,” she said again, staring straight ahead and watching the sign flicker to its own beat.

“I know, sweetheart,” she heard her friend say from her perch on the bus stop seat.

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. The air smelt fresh and clean, not polluted by gas emissions or garage. It smelt like the first bursts of spring – it smelt like childhood. She kept her eyes closed and imagined him next to her. She imagined the warmth of his body, his smell, his body rising and falling as he breathed. She imagined resting her head on his shoulder and having his arm around her waist. She could almost feel his fingers intertwined with hers, the tip of his nose brushing against her forehead and his breath on her skin.

She imagined him just sitting there, holding her, and not speaking. She imagined feeling safe and loved.

She opened her eyes and the image was gone. She bit her lip, silently begging the tears not to come. She bit her lip harder till the skin broke and she drew blood. She licked the blood away, its pungent taste blending with the saltiness of her tears. She’d started crying after all.

As her vision was slowly being blurred by the tears and a knot was filling up her stomach, she whispered, “I just want to see him again.”

Her friend leaned forward and stroked her head gently, softly humming a lullaby they both knew. She stroked her hair, undoing the knots and tangles carefully and gently.

“I miss him so much.” Her voice started to crack and the growing lump at the back of her throat made it hard to say anything more. Her body shook as she cried quietly, her tears streaking her soft cheeks.

“I know, honey, I know.”

She knew she had to go home soon. She also knew that once in the comfort and familiarity of her bed, she’d remembered everything about him again. She’ll replay every moment they shared together, every conversation they’ve ever had. She’ll remember every glance he threw her way and every smile he’d given her. She’ll remember the shape of his face and the crook of his smile. She’ll remember every strand of hair on his head and even the shape of his fingernails.

She’ll remember how her name rolled off his tongue and how his lips felt against hers. She’ll remember everything and pray she’ll never forget.

She had to be home soon. The burial was scheduled for seven in the morning, just in time for the sunrise. He’d like that. He’d always said nothing felt better than being basked in the first rays of the day.

He’d like that. She smiled for the first time in days.

I was lookng for something I lost. I didn’t find it. Turned the whole room inside out, yanked open and slammed shut drawers, but I didn’t find it.

But I did find stuff from when I was 16.

Anyone who knows me knows I write a lot. This was especially true when I was younger, and not yet equipped with the keyboard and computer screen. My grandma was the first to say, ‘Give Sabrina some paper and a pencil and she’ll sit in her corner for hours without a sound’. I was 5 then.

So, it was only natural that my school notebook from Secondary 4 is filled with my homework notes, reminders for school, and poems and notes I wrote in class. And you know what, I’ve decided to share some of the stuff I found in the notebook because it was something that was really a huge part of me back then.

‘Firstly, we should always be truthful and admit to any of our wrongdoings. Honesty is always the best policy. Secondly, we must always be happy with who we are and not try to be someone who we aren’t. Lastly, being loved and happy is way more important than being rich and living a luxurious life’
- The Necklace by Guy de Maupassant.

‘To embrace a world without question or reason, and to love without question’

‘A dead rose lies on my feet
A black heart inside my chest
And I feel nothing,
But the chilling wind on my
Tear-stained face.
Between sunrises and sunsets,
I am running
For a truth that will forever
Be a lie
For a sure that will always remain
poison
And I can’t stop
No matter what falters my journey
Because the remedy is pain
And I am drowning in an inferno
Of memories.
Now I am breathless
Breathless
Because I’m almost there
Always almost there’

‘When angels sing, it’s your voice I hear’

‘It was tempting to fall,
To be superficially embraced,
To be fleetingly loved
And to be kissed by lies’

‘If someone deserves love, they deserve to know they have it’
- Final Target (I have no idea what’s Final Target though)

‘I see trees of green,
Red roses too.
I see them bloom,
For me and you.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world’

Yeah, that’s 16-year-old Sab for you.

title credit: through with you by maroon 5.

Mass Comm, in the academic sense, has ended.

It’s bittersweet really.

I know this is going to sound cliche but I remember the first day of school as though it was two weeks ago.

I am really going to miss school like a prisoner misses the beach.

After the last exam paper today, my shiny sunshine friends (Naj and Charmaine) and I spent the day away at the Plaza. If there has to be a single place in school that means a lot to us, it would be the Plaza aka the David & Molly office. It was pretty awesome. Eating ice cream, talking, stoning and eye stalking like the old days. Very good times.

Wow, seriously? It’s all over? Okay.

It’s quite hard to imagine no more Friday lunches at the canteen, morning rushes up to Blk 56, cursing and crying in the printer queue, walking around barefooted at the Plaza/OurSpace. No more seeing the friends on a daily basis. No more 5pm deadlines. No more ‘Please try again… Please try again… Thank you!’.

Mass Comm was/is like going to war. If and when you survive it, you go home, exhausted and tired, triumphant and sleepy, with that look in your eyes and the personal glory of knowing that if you can survived three years of that, then you’re more or less going to be capable of sitting out all other storms coming head on your way. You’ll proudly show off the scars you got during those three years and tell battle stories for years to come. You’ll meet people on the street (or more likely at gatherings and reunions actually) and they’ll look at you with awe and respect because hell, you survived the shit that is Mass Comm.

If Mass Comm doesn’t toughen you up and give you skin that rivals an ant eater’s thickness, then you my friend, have failed at life.

–

Well anyway, I started today with cake and I shall end it on an equally splendid note. I rented a bunch of DVDs so I think I’ll watch the outtakes and special features on the computer then spend the whole of tomorrow in front of the TV, crank up the home theatre system and watch all the movies back to back in my PJs.

The home PC got an upgrade to Vista. Hopefully, Alexander Martin gets here before week’s end. Then life is be sweet.

Chill in, lovers. We’ve got everything ahead of us.

title credit: first impressions by julia nunes.

because there was someone to look forward to.

title credit: last night at 12 i felt immense by caracal.

Last night was gig night. But due to many, many, many unforeseen circumstances, we didn’t watch a single gig and ended spending the night chillaxing by the river with our drinks and Nigel’s food.

However, we did get to meet up with the people we planned to meet up with (plus a couple of surprise awkward meets), and us friends got to spend a lovely day out together.

So anyway, it’s a nice cool Sunday afternoon. My mom told me to get dressed cause we were going to go out to buy a DVD player (ahahaha yessssssss finally) so I get dressed and everything and I walk out of my room and find the whole family asleep. Le sigh. I shall study for Law while I wait for them to rouse then.

title credit: kiss n’ tell by danger radio.